Baby, I Write a Blog This Way (Part 2)
This is part two of my Live Blog of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way”. Second part, same as the start: I basically just played the album and jotted down notes as I went along…
8 – Bloody Mary
0.00 Is this a song about Queen Mary the 1st? If so, it’s good that she knows British history.
1.15 No, she’s mentioned Jesus and the Crucifixion, so chances are she’s talking about Mary Magdalene. She’s bviously trying to upset the Catholic Church again.
2.00 I’m convinced that this is actually just one of the earlier songs on the album, but slowed down a bit. One less song to write!
2.30 I’d say this was the mid-album filler, if it weren’t all filler.
9 – Bad Kids
0.00 Guitars! Shouting! This is real Rock ‘N’ Roll.
0.35 She’s basically saying what a bad person she is. Acceptance is the first stage of recovery.
1.10 This is the most Madonna-like one yet. And that’s saying something.
1.30 I think she just sang: “I’m a twit”. Well, you’re three quarters right.
1.50 I wonder if Lady Gaga wrote the “We Buy Any Car” jingle.
10 – Highway Unicorn (Road To Love)
0.30 This is just a bad remix of “Poker Face”. Kinda.
1.30 I think she’s singing about riding on a unicorn. Makes sense, because of the title, but it still sounds stupid.
2.15 Do you remember that Flash game “Heavy Metal Unicorn”? That was camp and brilliant. This is garbage.
2.45 “Follow that unicorn / on the road to love”
11 – Heavy Metal Lover
0.30 Are we in line for some heavy rock? No we’re back recording in that saw mill again. It must have reasonable rates.
0.45 “I want your whisky mouth / All over my blonde south”. People, we have reached the bottom.
1.40 “Dirty pony, I can’t wait to hose you down” – No, now we’re at the bottom.
2.40 “Women slap it, go fuck” – No. Now.
12 – Electric Chapel
0.00 Guitars. Or synthesisers cleverly disguised as guitars.
2.30 This is just boring now. It wouldn’t even make good muzak as it’s too loud and annoying.
3.00 And now a “guitar” solo. Stephanie, you will never get played on American rock radio, so why bother trying?
13 – Yoü and I
0.00 Unless I’m reading this wrong, there’s an umlaut over the “u”. Röck Döts are the scourge of music.
0.30 It’s sounding almost ‘Country’ so far. She’s probably trying to appeal to the Red States. That’s a big market. I don’t think it’ll work; they burn people like Lady Gaga at the stake.
1.30 “And muscle cars drove a truck right through my heart” – That doesn’t even make sense.
3.40 “There’s only three men I’m gonna serve in my whole life / It’s my Daddy, and Nebraska and Jesus Christ.” 1) Talking about “serving her Daddy” seems anti-feminist. 2) I bet she’s never been anywhere near Nebraska. 3) She was saying she preferred Judas to Jesus earlier. That’s three for three.
4.30 I could actually imagine this being played in some redneck bar. Right before a fight breaks out and the police are called.
14 – The Edge of Glory
0.00 I’ve heard this one too!
0.30 It’s like one of those novelty dance hits that become popular in clubs in Ibiza in the summer, and then get imported to the UK by Chavs.
1.00 She claims to be at “The edge of glory”. Nah, you’ve still got a wee while to go yet.
2.30 I’m sure this tune comes as a free demo with Garage Band.
3.00 That damn saxophone is back. Actually it sounds like it’s drifting in from another studio.
15 – Born This Way (Jost & Naaf Remix)
0.00 Do I really have to listen to this? It’s just same song as before, but with a couple of idiots messing with the faders.
0.40 They seemed to have mixed out the vocals. Good move guys. I take it back, calling you idiots.
2.00 This is like listening to a migraine.
3.00 I’m sure there’s two completely different songs being played at once here.
4.00 Honestly, it’s like being in a nightclub with water in your ear.
5.00 I’m sure this remix has a sample from Jean-Michelle Jarre’s Toxygene. I think Toxic Jean would be a better name than Lady Gaga.
5.40 Damn, that was much longer than the original. They should have mixed some of the running time out of it.
5.59 So, that’s how it ends; not with a bang or a whimper. More of a simper.