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Slideshow: Unacceptable in the 80s

In the 1980s, the music scene was changing at a breakneck pace, and artists who first became famous in the 60s were finding it difficult to stay relevant (and therefore rich). Many long-established artists tried changing things musically, often by embracing the use of synthesisers and electronic drum machines. Worse still, they also tried to improve their “branding” by changing their dress sense and visual aesthetics. This led to some unintentionally hilarious record covers. The slideshow below has ten album covers that show older artists trying, and failing, to look cool in the 80s. Click to activate…

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The Worst Lyrics in History (Part 2)

Alanis

Many people have joked about the fact Alanis Morissette doesn’t understand the concept of irony, but that song wasn’t even her worst crime against music. For example, her follow-up to Jagged Little Pill featured a song with the line, “How ’bout them transparent dangling carrots”. However, with her third album, Morissette completely forgot how songs work. Under Rug Swept, featured lyrics that weren’t merely bad, they were so verbose that you wouldn’t believe there was a melody in the world that would fit them. Read these lyrics aloud, and try to imagine how they could possibly be sung…

21 Things I Want in a Lover
Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity?
But know that it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine?
Politically aware, and don’t believe in capital punishment?

CHORUS:
These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs, but qualities that I prefer

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The Worst Lyrics in History (Part 1)

Spin Doctors

Some time ago, I was commissioned by the US government to find the worst song lyrics in history. It sounded like a pretty easy job, and I’ll take what I can get in this economy. So, I spent hundreds of hours poring over virus-laden lyrics websites, until I finally found them.

You might remember the Spin Doctors as a One-Hit-Wonder responsible for the song, “Two Princes”. But uwisely, they actually recorded full albums of other songs. Most of these tracks lacked the catchiness of “Two Princes”, and instead had truly dreadful lyrics. Here is a selection of some the worst…

Refrigerator Car 

Your heart is a refrigerator car
It’s cold and it never waits
Frozen breath and frostbite
Stacked, unopened crates

CHORUS:
You never loved your frozen freight
Perishables and bloodless meat
Your rolling snowball soul of sleet
You never wait

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